miserywhip: (goodbye)
If you're looking for me,
I'm no longer here.
miserywhip: (Too late)
It's time to start the countdown.
I'm gonna burn it down.
miserywhip: (hair)
I can't change my ways.....
... sorry, it's my fault ...

Profile. )
miserywhip: (hair)
Hard to say what got my attention.
I won't let this build up inside of me...



And just to avoid making another post in the same five minute period.


I suppose I should make a brief warning since I have a few new people reading now, but- I guess you could say I have a bit of an obsession with death.

I like to recognize anniversaries of deaths in my family, or the birthday of a lost family member - whether people or animals. I might not post on the same day every year, I think everyone knows I get a little crazy and withdrawn on March 3rd but I believe today is actually a lesser known date.

But- if that sort of thing is going to bother you, I do have a 'death' tag for any time I make mention of a passing so you can avoid those posts if you want. It will usually just be a quick note, dates and a quick 'happy birthday' or 'I miss you' type message. Sometimes, it's a bit lengthy and more involved though... kind of like tonight.


May 27, 1914 - October 11, 2002


Why is it that high school feels closer to two years ago than the six that it really was?

Columbus Day weekend and Dan's visiting again. This time brought here because of a death instead of delayed in arriving because of one. )

I still haven't properly digested the information around Jon's death, to really post about it. Which might have something to do with me dwelling on and processing a loss I never really did this for despite it being eight years now.

but here's some rambling about current events... )

but- yeah. 6:30 am... Time for bed before I never shut up.
miserywhip: (Icarus)
This is just an act of kindness, to let you know that your time is up.
It's been coming for a long time, a long time...
miserywhip: (Default)
Something's closing in, and I can't do a thing...
All I can say is that the drugs don't work no more.
miserywhip: (casual)
I just said goodbye to .... my only actual in person, off the computer, live flesh and blood friend. He's going to London for a month, and I'm not sure he's ever left the state, nevermind the country alone.

Breathing. Okay.


I hate having to say goodbye to people when I don't actually see them leave, they just ... disappear. I hate it, it's one major flaw of the internet, you don't get to see people off. I'm very visual, very physical in that sense. When my brother left and we dropped him off at the airport it didn't bother me, I watched my mother and my sister sob and I was fine. When he left the night before he was leaving the second time. Disappeared to the void of my father's house and I could sit here and watch the clock and know, "Now is when he's sleeping. Now is when he's arriving at the airport. Now is when the plane takes off. Now is when he's probably landing." That shit destroys me.

I'm going to go back to pretending this doesn't bother me. Concern, especially for Antonio, ruins my cool indifferent image. Because ... everyone here that's seen me sob for months and melt down over nothing- you're all convinced I don't have emotions, right? Right?


The other thing I wanted to post about when I was here was that my brother changed the settings on my mom's computer so now everything is really tiny and far away looking on my desk top. He left a month ago, and I'm just noticing this now - can you tell how often I use that computer?

Also: Note to self. Moved Kip into Angel's cage, and Fucker into Kip's cage. Fed Fucker one large. Need to buy crickets for Kip.
miserywhip: (Default)
All of these posts people are making about it getting colder and gradually becoming winter depress me more than they have any right to.

It was beautiful out today.


Also, I updated my schedule. Which was... new, and unique.
and made this entry public, incase the person who posted that would like to say anything there without revealing who they are.

Because I know it wasn't an option under f-lock, and originally I'd made the post just to say my own... but I don't want there to be any reason you can't reply to it, if by some chance.. you actually want to.



I can't help but feel like I owe some sort of explanation, but everything I said to the original comment just.. wasn't enough.
And I worry, but that's pretty much just obvious at this point.




Who comments the most on this journal? )

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miserywhip: (Default)
We're just learning how to smile, and that's not e

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