miserywhip: (rewrite)
A quick heads up for anyone friending me:

One: I post a lot of random things. Everything I post is done by custom groups, so if there's something you don't want to have clogging up your f-list (i.e. memes or secret posts.) comment to this post and let me know. I'll remove you from that group~

Edit: The above is not so much true anymore, but feel free to comment that entry regardless, in case I pick the habit up again in the future.


Two: I'm a lurker by nature, so if you only keep people on your f-list who comment frequently, I'm probably not a wise choice


Three:
When friending me, please comment here with two colors from the Friend Add page, for me to add you with.
First color will be the username, second color the background - i.e. yellow on  black - if I can pull that off without going blind.

If you don't respond with two colors I will be slow to add you back.


Four: On de-friending, please leave a comment here letting me know (preferably with why) if you remove me. No hard feelings, I like to just be aware of what's going on, and if the remove was intentional or accidental.
It would just be really helpful, okay~? <3


Five: Last, because it is particularly important this matter stands out and is remembered. I value honesty, trust and respect above all else.

If you feel the need to snoop around behind my back, instead of coming to me and talking about a concern.
If you feel that you can manipulate me or that you need to corner me for any reason.
If you can't respect me as a person, and trust me as a friend enough to communicate with me.
If you feel that you have the right to order me around because you're not happy with something that I've said.

If any or all of these apply to you... Please refrain from wasting your time, and mine, in advance by not adding me to your f-list.

Thank you.



Additional matters:


Please comment to the birthday post, with your birthday (year not required.)
Also, if anyone has any questions about why your comments are screened, please take a look at this
or this.
miserywhip: (guilt)








Friends Only

Read this post, and comment there to be added.
miserywhip: (decisions)
Anyone that knows me would find it hard to believe that I keep so much to myself. I'm generally honest, forward and blunt- to the point of being offensive and hurting feelings. But I've reached a breaking point, and I'm ... done.

Warning: Between sensitive topics, blunt thoughtless complaining and triggering subject matter - you might not want to read this post.

That having been said. )

Having gone off on that tear to the point of exhaustion, I am about to go sleep. I know there's more but at this point I'm too tired to try to work out the energy for it so.... bed it is.
miserywhip: (empty)
Tommy's mother died on August 25th. Three days before his birthday.


Another funeral/memorial service I made Keenan bend over backwards to give me off, and did not attend. I was invited, I know I was wanted there but I haven't forgotten high school. He thinks he's cleaned up, he told my mother he stopped drinking and doing drugs - and in that same day bought cough syrup (which he had quit last I spoked to him) and pot.

The memorial service was supposed to be a celebration of Linda's life. It was supposed to be a happy occassion, and knowing Tommy's habits and knowing Tommy's friends- I couldn't motivate myself to go, because I know drugs and alcohol had to have been involved and I would have sat alone, silent and uncomfortable while everyone else threw a party in memory of a woman who hated her son's drug and alcohol use.

I am sick over the fact that I didn't go, and couldn't even tell him. My internet went out that day and apparently his phone number didn't save in my phone from a few days ago. He didn't call me so I doubt that I was missed, but that's not really the point. I don't know what the point is anymore... All of my oldest friends are watching their parents die, and I know that happens to everyone eventually but this is ridiculous.

Working all day Thursday and all day Friday leaves me dead by Saturday, I'm so tired of my body dictating my life. I haven't even had the energy to RP lately... If I can motivate myself, I may add to this later in a locked entry. Those of you who aren't on LJ that want to know more, contact me.
miserywhip: (and I'm starting to scare myself)
Last night I was in so much shock, I wasn't really thinking.


When they know they're your heart, and you know you were their armour )


Sam, I need to talk to you when you get a chance if you can IM me when you're on.
miserywhip: (Too late)
Whoever is talking about me behind my back - and telling people that someone cheated on me who I was never actually romantically involved with needs to stop.

If you're reading this, I don't know what the hell you're saying or what you meant to do with your words, but I have never claimed any relationship with this person that supposedly 'cheated' on me. I've made our relationship very clear to anyone I've spoken to about this so I don't appreciate rumors being spread about me.

If you have something to say to me, you can tell me.


I just ended my night, my weekend- crying in a stranger's bathroom. If you're my friend you're not doing me any favors by whatever you're saying, and I really would like to clear this up. If you're not my friend than you really need to mind your own business, and do us both a favor - forget I exist.





In other news, I had a wonderful time at the convention. Rel, thank you so much for talking me into asking Jay to dance. I had such a great time this weekend, and I really feel like I owe it all to both of you. It's too bad I have to work at 7, or I really would have spent another night in Boston.

Maybe next time.
miserywhip: (overlook)
I offered to look over a fic for a friend of mine. A friend who is capable of reading this actually, and I hope she doesn't mind the semi-abstract mention... It's always kind of amazed me the way her writing has made me reflect on my own life, made me think about things that have happened - or are happening to me.

This isn't really about her writing, it's about- what it made me think about this time, like nearly every time I ever read anything even remotely like this. It's kind of funny how so many people have that one love, the one person they don't resent finding happiness with someone else. Because their happiness is more important, because being compatible isn't even a chance. Whether because of sexuality, relationship status, location... whatever the reason.

There's that one person, that as long as they're happy- we can get by. Because their happiness is what matters, and nothing else.


So here's my letter to you. )
miserywhip: (Default)
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..... *Cracks up*
miserywhip: (pain)
Happy birthday, Titi.

6.1964 - 6.2009

Oh, also.

Jun. 23rd, 2010 02:43 am
miserywhip: (Default)
I'm going crazy about music stuff so.

Music suggestions would also be awesome. I need to check my old journal for suggestions I never got around to getting.



*Goes to do that*



Also, if anyone wants anything I have or wants to send me something they have- just let me know.
miserywhip: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Um. My pets. And if I was crazy and cared about this psycho setting my house on fire, I might want to help them get out too if they needed it. But honestly, if someone is setting fire to my house, I doubt they're someone I'd be close enough to, to care whether or not they survived.

I'd open the door so that Orion could get out and then go unplug the tanks to try to save them too. I would ... cry miserably over all of my lost FMA/art/etc but- if I couldn't save them (and I probably couldn't, with how long the snake would take) then I'm not going to risk my life trying.

This is a really dumb question. Someone tell me in what situation you'd save someone who intentionally burned your house down?


All right, wake tonight so I should probably sleep soon.


I might not be around for the next few days.
miserywhip: (casual)
I just said goodbye to .... my only actual in person, off the computer, live flesh and blood friend. He's going to London for a month, and I'm not sure he's ever left the state, nevermind the country alone.

Breathing. Okay.


I hate having to say goodbye to people when I don't actually see them leave, they just ... disappear. I hate it, it's one major flaw of the internet, you don't get to see people off. I'm very visual, very physical in that sense. When my brother left and we dropped him off at the airport it didn't bother me, I watched my mother and my sister sob and I was fine. When he left the night before he was leaving the second time. Disappeared to the void of my father's house and I could sit here and watch the clock and know, "Now is when he's sleeping. Now is when he's arriving at the airport. Now is when the plane takes off. Now is when he's probably landing." That shit destroys me.

I'm going to go back to pretending this doesn't bother me. Concern, especially for Antonio, ruins my cool indifferent image. Because ... everyone here that's seen me sob for months and melt down over nothing- you're all convinced I don't have emotions, right? Right?


The other thing I wanted to post about when I was here was that my brother changed the settings on my mom's computer so now everything is really tiny and far away looking on my desk top. He left a month ago, and I'm just noticing this now - can you tell how often I use that computer?

Also: Note to self. Moved Kip into Angel's cage, and Fucker into Kip's cage. Fed Fucker one large. Need to buy crickets for Kip.

Anon Post.

Jul. 30th, 2009 08:10 pm
miserywhip: (Even if it's all I get...)
I keep meaning to do this, so I'm going to do it here.
This entry will be left as a sticky post at the top of my journal. You can choose to comment directly to my thread, or post a comment to this entry itself (particularly handy if/when that post maxes out.)

This entry will be unlocked shortly, anon is on IP is off - all that. Then people can say whatever they want, whenever they want - and not have to worry about be knowing who they are, if they don't want me to.

Also, unlike in the link below, comments to this entry are screened. If you specifically want/don't want a reply or your comment unscreened, make sure to include as much in the comment or I'm not going to know.


ANON MEME


ANON MEME
miserywhip: (pain)
Uhh, warning for potential medical TMI.
If talk about tubing and references to surgery or implants of some sort are going to be upsetting to you- ... probably avoid this entry.

For everyone else:

I hope it answers questions that anyone may have had.



So, when I got home I told my mother that my father wanted to know if I remembered the doctor saying that I could have outgrown the need for my shunt.

And my mom said, "Yeah, he said that but we brought you back several times and every time you had a check up they said that they wanted to continue monitoring you."

And if I didn't outgrow it by the time I was twelve, I'm never going to outgrow it, because um... I'm full grown. Yeah.



Thanks dad.

I don't know why..... All I need. Is someone to save me. )


I don't want to bore people that don't care to read about it, so here are some links and summaries for anyone confused or otherwise interested. Yeah.


"This tube goes from the affected area of the brain, connects to a one-way valve which sits outside the skull, but beneath the skin, somewhere behind the ear. It then travels down the neck, and into either the abdominal cavity (most common), the pleural cavity (surrounding the lungs) (alternative), or into the atrium of the heart (quite rare). Enough tubing is left in the area it drains to, so that it can uncoil as the child grows."

Six feet of tubing. Six feet of tubing, and I'm not even five feet tall.
I gag every time I think about how there's coiled tubing just chilling in my body, needlessly.

I'll never be what you want me to be.... )

"The shunt failure rate is also relatively high and it is not uncommon for patients to have multiple shunt revisions within their lifetime. By 2-3 years of age, approximately half of shunts that have been inserted have failed and been replaced."

This has never happened to me, so I can easily think that maybe it won't and I'll be a rare case that's okay.... and half think "Dear God, I'm twenty years overdue, this thing could fail at any minute."



It took my mother two days to have me, because the hydrocephalus wasn't detected before birth, and I almost died shortly after birth.

And again, several days later.


This is why I always answer "Most traumatic experience?" with "Being born." I'm not trying to be overdramatic and say that I wish I was never born. Logically, I think that's the worst ordeal I've ever been through, and nothing can really top knowing what my mother had to go through during that time... nevermind, me.


Technical shit, and a diagram. Because... that's entirely necessary.
miserywhip: (Default)
All of these posts people are making about it getting colder and gradually becoming winter depress me more than they have any right to.

It was beautiful out today.


Also, I updated my schedule. Which was... new, and unique.
and made this entry public, incase the person who posted that would like to say anything there without revealing who they are.

Because I know it wasn't an option under f-lock, and originally I'd made the post just to say my own... but I don't want there to be any reason you can't reply to it, if by some chance.. you actually want to.



I can't help but feel like I owe some sort of explanation, but everything I said to the original comment just.. wasn't enough.
And I worry, but that's pretty much just obvious at this point.




Who comments the most on this journal? )
miserywhip: (Kurama: who am I?)
Okay, I said I wasn't going to steal the End of the World meme just yet, because it seemed too much too fast. However, it's all the 'yay positive' about these memes that irks me. I feel like people are pressured to just churn out happy or encouraging things, when it's not necessary. So, I decided to use this one because... I felt more comfortable being able to modify it.


the 7 THINGS meme



I took out the link for this one, for two reasons.

One: They want usernames, and I could give a shit. If you want to anon, anon. Although names are preferred, because that's how it's supposed to be. And the two of you that keep posting Anonymous, I already know it's you. <3
Two: They want seven positive things, and I'm willing to take whatever. Under the condition that they're honest, instead.

Yeah.
So, there we have it.



-------------------------------------

And Lindsay, I hate to say I read your LJ-cut and couldn't even read the rest of your entry. But you mentioned that name (or hinted at doing so) and then... Sex. And my brain exploded.

Even if it wasn't a problem, on it's own, I would have avoided that entry like the plague.
Sorry.
miserywhip: (pretending)
I don't know why people bother being anonymous, when it's clear that it's them.
But, I suppose whatever makes them comfortable- so I try to work with it... Sans making all of my entries public.


I don't know which I adjusted to faster, accepting the fact that I'll never know who the people are that I'm completely clueless about. Or, pretending that I don't know the obvious ones...

I still think my performance on that one comment was outstanding, but I doubt I'll ever know for sure who it really was.

*Amused*


God, I want to be hand-fed everything





I think it's a bit too soon to steal the End of the World meme, maybe I'll do that later.
I'll stop posting now, before everyone lynches me.
miserywhip: (Default)
"I'm waiting in fear for the day that you admit your feelings for some specific person."



It feels... Almost arrogant of me, to assume that this has any relation to a person having feelings for me. As I never really understood for sure, I can't say I will assume that.

But if it is the case-


Even in death, love goes on... )
miserywhip: (wistful)
Shut up, I'll do it eventually.
I will.

Maybe.


Tagged by: [livejournal.com profile] silver_foxglove

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

I find this to be bothersome, as the point of memes for me is to answer questions I otherwise wouldn't post, but whatever.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Uhh, no. I don't force anyone to do anything, but if you do steal this from me, uhh.. Don't tag me back, unless you changed the meme drastically. Because, I don't want to have to do the same damn questions again.


I did everything to get next to you.... )

Tagging: Anyone, because yeah. Pressure is not my friend.
miserywhip: (Default)
I've never done one of these before.

the 『feel good』 anonymous meme ☆ミ




Everyone else, do it too.

Profile

miserywhip: (Default)
We're just learning how to smile, and that's not e

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