Nothing but this carnival of rust...

[miserywhip]

Sometimes...




I feel absolutely alone in the world.

Don't walk away....

It's different. It's entirely and completely different.
You'll never understand.

It's okay. I never expected you to.





I'm happy in a lot of ways.
I'm content to know the things that I know.
I've satisfied myself with knowing, this is it. This is how it's going to be.

If it wasn't for my financial problems... I could call this- happiness. to an extent.



I just miss..
Having that happiness.
That sheer stupid thrilling excitement, over nothing and everything.


Smiling at customers, because joy simply... spilled from me, sometimes.
I miss the summer, and the year before.
I miss actually and sincerely liking Ed. Short-lived as that was.






It doesn't make me smile anymore.
I wish it still did.