miserywhip: (decisions)
Anyone that knows me would find it hard to believe that I keep so much to myself. I'm generally honest, forward and blunt- to the point of being offensive and hurting feelings. But I've reached a breaking point, and I'm ... done.

Warning: Between sensitive topics, blunt thoughtless complaining and triggering subject matter - you might not want to read this post.

That having been said. )

Having gone off on that tear to the point of exhaustion, I am about to go sleep. I know there's more but at this point I'm too tired to try to work out the energy for it so.... bed it is.
miserywhip: (empty)
Tommy's mother died on August 25th. Three days before his birthday.


Another funeral/memorial service I made Keenan bend over backwards to give me off, and did not attend. I was invited, I know I was wanted there but I haven't forgotten high school. He thinks he's cleaned up, he told my mother he stopped drinking and doing drugs - and in that same day bought cough syrup (which he had quit last I spoked to him) and pot.

The memorial service was supposed to be a celebration of Linda's life. It was supposed to be a happy occassion, and knowing Tommy's habits and knowing Tommy's friends- I couldn't motivate myself to go, because I know drugs and alcohol had to have been involved and I would have sat alone, silent and uncomfortable while everyone else threw a party in memory of a woman who hated her son's drug and alcohol use.

I am sick over the fact that I didn't go, and couldn't even tell him. My internet went out that day and apparently his phone number didn't save in my phone from a few days ago. He didn't call me so I doubt that I was missed, but that's not really the point. I don't know what the point is anymore... All of my oldest friends are watching their parents die, and I know that happens to everyone eventually but this is ridiculous.

Working all day Thursday and all day Friday leaves me dead by Saturday, I'm so tired of my body dictating my life. I haven't even had the energy to RP lately... If I can motivate myself, I may add to this later in a locked entry. Those of you who aren't on LJ that want to know more, contact me.
miserywhip: (hair)
Hard to say what got my attention.
I won't let this build up inside of me...



And just to avoid making another post in the same five minute period.


I suppose I should make a brief warning since I have a few new people reading now, but- I guess you could say I have a bit of an obsession with death.

I like to recognize anniversaries of deaths in my family, or the birthday of a lost family member - whether people or animals. I might not post on the same day every year, I think everyone knows I get a little crazy and withdrawn on March 3rd but I believe today is actually a lesser known date.

But- if that sort of thing is going to bother you, I do have a 'death' tag for any time I make mention of a passing so you can avoid those posts if you want. It will usually just be a quick note, dates and a quick 'happy birthday' or 'I miss you' type message. Sometimes, it's a bit lengthy and more involved though... kind of like tonight.


May 27, 1914 - October 11, 2002


Why is it that high school feels closer to two years ago than the six that it really was?

Columbus Day weekend and Dan's visiting again. This time brought here because of a death instead of delayed in arriving because of one. )

I still haven't properly digested the information around Jon's death, to really post about it. Which might have something to do with me dwelling on and processing a loss I never really did this for despite it being eight years now.

but here's some rambling about current events... )

but- yeah. 6:30 am... Time for bed before I never shut up.
miserywhip: (pain)
Happy birthday, Titi.

6.1964 - 6.2009
miserywhip: (Default)
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Um. My pets. And if I was crazy and cared about this psycho setting my house on fire, I might want to help them get out too if they needed it. But honestly, if someone is setting fire to my house, I doubt they're someone I'd be close enough to, to care whether or not they survived.

I'd open the door so that Orion could get out and then go unplug the tanks to try to save them too. I would ... cry miserably over all of my lost FMA/art/etc but- if I couldn't save them (and I probably couldn't, with how long the snake would take) then I'm not going to risk my life trying.

This is a really dumb question. Someone tell me in what situation you'd save someone who intentionally burned your house down?


All right, wake tonight so I should probably sleep soon.


I might not be around for the next few days.
miserywhip: (Icarus)
Okay, so - good news. bad news.

My phone is really ridiculously fast, apparently. Good news, I wasn't really late this morning. Bad news. I had to stay like ten minutes longer than I expected to, so I was there for like 55 minutes instead of 45, which isn't a big deal at normal jobs. but when you're a crossing guard, standing outside in the freezing cold and only get paid for those 45 minutes.... yeah, ten minutes over isn't a big deal when you're working four or more hours. Most people come into those jobs fifteen minutes early anyway, but if you're fifteen minutes over on a crossing post, that's a full third of your shift more that you worked, that you're not getting paid for. It's all relative okay.

Good news. Called the vet. Got in on a recheck, $42.00. There are three thyroid tests. Good news, Orion has already taken one, and that one's been ruled out. Good news, one of the tests is $98.50. I can afford that. Assuming they don't throw any random curve balls at me. Bad news, the last, full and complete test is $251.00. A regular check up is $63.00, I don't know if they'd charge me a regular check up or a recheck to come in a third time and take the third test .... you know, in three months, when I can afford it. Bad news, this doesn't even touch on the possibility that it's not thyroid, but neurological, instead.

She asked which pet this was for, and I said Orion should be the only one on file. She asked about Sheba. Because I took Sheba in for an emergency visit in February of '08 when her gum swelled, which tells me that I did not get a reminder a year later for her to get another check up. She was given a physical while we were there, too but I guess that never made it into the paperwork. Nor did I get a physical reminder for Orion that year. I asked if I needed to inform them of her passing officially, mentioning that Orion came in shortly after and his vet was told. Her answer was that no, no - I'm not obligated to inform them, but she wanted to close her file so I don't get any reminders in the mail that I don't want to deal with. This conversation is a reminder. And those cute little 'you're due for a check up' post cards haven't been showing up in the past two years, so I think I'm covered on the whole ... not needing to deal with reminders.

I should just be grateful that it proved the point I've been trying to make since last August. Notifications haven't been coming, and they are still supposed to be. but, oh well whatever.

Assuming I don't die Thursday from working all Wednesday night, I'm going to sleep the entire day and be wide awake by 10 am Friday morning so that Orion can go to the vet. My life is so exciting.

This isn't even like ... take Orion to the vet to get his symptoms checked out. This is ... take Orion to the vet to get a test done that may or may not come back positive and may or may not be the issue, even if it does come back positive. I spent all night last night thinking about how a brain tumor might explain why he randomly bites me for petting his forehead - something I've done for six years, without incident before now.



I'm ... sure there's more, but I'm just not in the mood right now.


Also, I took a nap last night from 9:30 to midnight, and have been up ever since. So. Coherency ... may not be a strength, at the moment.

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