miserywhip: (pain)
[personal profile] miserywhip
I originally planned to stop posting to my journal, because I just- can not motivate myself to be here anymore. Most people on here get to see my freak outs in real time anyway, it makes Live Journal practically obsolete in my life, outside of checking up on the friends list of people I don't speak to so often.

Honestly there hasn't been much to update. I'm not really doing much outside of the usual, working and spending time online. The usual business. Only recently has anything remotely important happened in my life, and it's not a good change - so I've put off talking about it here.

For those of you that don't know, my birthday recently passed, on the 28th. I'd taken the day off and had the lamest plans in the world lined up.

I came home from work on the 27th to an empty space where my animals used to be. I'm going to keep this short and to the point, to prevent getting emotional again. I came down with a fever shortly after it happened so I don't even know how much my lacking the will to get out of bed is my body trying to recover from being sick, and how much is my brain trying to recover from being hurt like that.

Unfortunately it's taken this act of complete betrayal - and complete indifference to said betrayal - for me to realize how little I can trust my mother. When I find myself thinking, 'she'd never do....' I realize that I don't know what she's capable of anymore. When she told me it was a long time coming, all I could think was all the more reason it didn't have to happen on my fucking birthday. Needless to say we're no longer on speaking terms. I ignore her unless I have absolutely no choice, and I spend even more time in my bedroom now. I bet she didn't think that was possible... Actually, honestly- I bet she doesn't even notice.

At this point in time I'm seriously debating taking legal action with Petco for taking animals from someone that were admittedly not their's and adopting them out immediately without any record of who adopted them. Several calls to both of the local stores confirmed that policy dictates they should have done some paperwork with the person taking them, and the store that had them admittedly did not.

Right now I'm not sure how far I could actually take this, or who I could consult about the best plan of action because I know that even if they locate them I can never have them back. My main concern from this point forward is to make them regret not doing the proper paperwork, because I never want to see this happen to someone else.

I just hope they're in good hands.


Date: 2011-11-09 04:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deternot.livejournal.com
Oh my god, that is so awful. What an absolutely horrible thing to do to you. Just... holy crap, that is awful. I'm so sorry, Ed.

Date: 2011-11-09 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chainofhabit.livejournal.com
I'm just- now that the emotional breakdowns over it have stopped... In complete shock. My mother knows that for the past six years I've taken off work the 28th and 29th because I'm not emotionally capable of dealing with bitchy customers on those days. Because my aunt died on the 29th.

So. She just felt the need to add the 27th to my list of days that make me lose the will to live? Yeah... Thanks, thanks for that. A whole lot. Really caring.

Date: 2011-11-09 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deternot.livejournal.com
I mean... I don't really like saying bad things about people's parents, but from what I can tell she just... is not seemingly capable of even considering your feelings? At least right now when she is like this? Because, I mean, christ. What an awful, horrible thing to do to you.

Date: 2011-11-09 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chainofhabit.livejournal.com
Yeah, I've defended my mother to anyone willing to listen my entire life...

This has seriously made me stop to re-evaluate things. I'm literally in a situation right now where I can not predict anything anyone in my family is capable of. I'm borderline afraid for my life, because my entire family seems incapable of remorse. Like, she did that- what the fuck is next?

I've spent my entire life telling myself she's a good person, she'd never do a, b or c. So for her to do one of the things I've brainwashed myself into believing she'd never do, I .... don't know where the fuck the line is anymore.
(screened comment)

Date: 2011-11-23 05:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chainofhabit.livejournal.com
Sometimes you have to let go for the best interest of others. Regardless of your own feelings, if you're causing more damage than good, the responsible thing can be the most painful.

It's not something I would have been able to do myself, but they're probably taken care of better where they are now. Knowing that they could be happier- that's more important to me than anything else.

Which isn't to say I forgive her actions, but it's easier to live with them.
(screened comment)

Date: 2011-11-24 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chainofhabit.livejournal.com
It realkly wasn't until recently that I realized how poorly I was taking ccare of them. My hours at work limited how much time I could dedicate to a proper thorough tank cleaning. A process that took hours.

And my mother's stranglehold on the snake's feeding, by constanty putting his feeding box where I couldn't get it, fighting me when I wanted it and telling me I could not feed him after I had a mouse thawing 12 hours- which wasted a mouse, every time. He simply wasn't being fed enough.

Driving to the store to get crickets for Kip was another struggle.

They deserve to be somewhere without these limitations. That's really all there is to it.


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We're just learning how to smile, and that's not e

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