miserywhip: (wait a minute...)
*Steals this, because I'm a loser.* )

comments are always screened, and I won't be unscreening them for.. awhile.
Public, so anon is on. IP logging is always off, because I know you people.

Uh. You'll probably get more points just putting Ed as my first name.

Not that anyone's going to even attempt this.
miserywhip: (pain)
Uhh, warning for potential medical TMI.
If talk about tubing and references to surgery or implants of some sort are going to be upsetting to you- ... probably avoid this entry.

For everyone else:

I hope it answers questions that anyone may have had.

So, when I got home I told my mother that my father wanted to know if I remembered the doctor saying that I could have outgrown the need for my shunt.

And my mom said, "Yeah, he said that but we brought you back several times and every time you had a check up they said that they wanted to continue monitoring you."

And if I didn't outgrow it by the time I was twelve, I'm never going to outgrow it, because um... I'm full grown. Yeah.

Thanks dad.

I don't know why..... All I need. Is someone to save me. )

I don't want to bore people that don't care to read about it, so here are some links and summaries for anyone confused or otherwise interested. Yeah.

"This tube goes from the affected area of the brain, connects to a one-way valve which sits outside the skull, but beneath the skin, somewhere behind the ear. It then travels down the neck, and into either the abdominal cavity (most common), the pleural cavity (surrounding the lungs) (alternative), or into the atrium of the heart (quite rare). Enough tubing is left in the area it drains to, so that it can uncoil as the child grows."

Six feet of tubing. Six feet of tubing, and I'm not even five feet tall.
I gag every time I think about how there's coiled tubing just chilling in my body, needlessly.

I'll never be what you want me to be.... )

"The shunt failure rate is also relatively high and it is not uncommon for patients to have multiple shunt revisions within their lifetime. By 2-3 years of age, approximately half of shunts that have been inserted have failed and been replaced."

This has never happened to me, so I can easily think that maybe it won't and I'll be a rare case that's okay.... and half think "Dear God, I'm twenty years overdue, this thing could fail at any minute."

It took my mother two days to have me, because the hydrocephalus wasn't detected before birth, and I almost died shortly after birth.

And again, several days later.

This is why I always answer "Most traumatic experience?" with "Being born." I'm not trying to be overdramatic and say that I wish I was never born. Logically, I think that's the worst ordeal I've ever been through, and nothing can really top knowing what my mother had to go through during that time... nevermind, me.

Technical shit, and a diagram. Because... that's entirely necessary.
miserywhip: (Default)
All of these posts people are making about it getting colder and gradually becoming winter depress me more than they have any right to.

It was beautiful out today.

Also, I updated my schedule. Which was... new, and unique.
and made this entry public, incase the person who posted that would like to say anything there without revealing who they are.

Because I know it wasn't an option under f-lock, and originally I'd made the post just to say my own... but I don't want there to be any reason you can't reply to it, if by some chance.. you actually want to.

I can't help but feel like I owe some sort of explanation, but everything I said to the original comment just.. wasn't enough.
And I worry, but that's pretty much just obvious at this point.

Who comments the most on this journal? )
miserywhip: (Kurama: who am I?)
Okay, I said I wasn't going to steal the End of the World meme just yet, because it seemed too much too fast. However, it's all the 'yay positive' about these memes that irks me. I feel like people are pressured to just churn out happy or encouraging things, when it's not necessary. So, I decided to use this one because... I felt more comfortable being able to modify it.

the 7 THINGS meme

I took out the link for this one, for two reasons.

One: They want usernames, and I could give a shit. If you want to anon, anon. Although names are preferred, because that's how it's supposed to be. And the two of you that keep posting Anonymous, I already know it's you. <3
Two: They want seven positive things, and I'm willing to take whatever. Under the condition that they're honest, instead.

So, there we have it.


And Lindsay, I hate to say I read your LJ-cut and couldn't even read the rest of your entry. But you mentioned that name (or hinted at doing so) and then... Sex. And my brain exploded.

Even if it wasn't a problem, on it's own, I would have avoided that entry like the plague.
miserywhip: (Default)
"I'm waiting in fear for the day that you admit your feelings for some specific person."

It feels... Almost arrogant of me, to assume that this has any relation to a person having feelings for me. As I never really understood for sure, I can't say I will assume that.

But if it is the case-

Even in death, love goes on... )


miserywhip: (Default)
We're just learning how to smile, and that's not e

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