miserywhip: (decisions)
Anyone that knows me would find it hard to believe that I keep so much to myself. I'm generally honest, forward and blunt- to the point of being offensive and hurting feelings. But I've reached a breaking point, and I'm ... done.

Warning: Between sensitive topics, blunt thoughtless complaining and triggering subject matter - you might not want to read this post.

That having been said. )

Having gone off on that tear to the point of exhaustion, I am about to go sleep. I know there's more but at this point I'm too tired to try to work out the energy for it so.... bed it is.
miserywhip: (pain)
I originally planned to stop posting to my journal, because I just- can not motivate myself to be here anymore. Most people on here get to see my freak outs in real time anyway, it makes Live Journal practically obsolete in my life, outside of checking up on the friends list of people I don't speak to so often.

Honestly there hasn't been much to update. I'm not really doing much outside of the usual, working and spending time online. The usual business. Only recently has anything remotely important happened in my life, and it's not a good change - so I've put off talking about it here.

So here is my sob story. )
miserywhip: (casual)
I just said goodbye to .... my only actual in person, off the computer, live flesh and blood friend. He's going to London for a month, and I'm not sure he's ever left the state, nevermind the country alone.

Breathing. Okay.


I hate having to say goodbye to people when I don't actually see them leave, they just ... disappear. I hate it, it's one major flaw of the internet, you don't get to see people off. I'm very visual, very physical in that sense. When my brother left and we dropped him off at the airport it didn't bother me, I watched my mother and my sister sob and I was fine. When he left the night before he was leaving the second time. Disappeared to the void of my father's house and I could sit here and watch the clock and know, "Now is when he's sleeping. Now is when he's arriving at the airport. Now is when the plane takes off. Now is when he's probably landing." That shit destroys me.

I'm going to go back to pretending this doesn't bother me. Concern, especially for Antonio, ruins my cool indifferent image. Because ... everyone here that's seen me sob for months and melt down over nothing- you're all convinced I don't have emotions, right? Right?


The other thing I wanted to post about when I was here was that my brother changed the settings on my mom's computer so now everything is really tiny and far away looking on my desk top. He left a month ago, and I'm just noticing this now - can you tell how often I use that computer?

Also: Note to self. Moved Kip into Angel's cage, and Fucker into Kip's cage. Fed Fucker one large. Need to buy crickets for Kip.

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We're just learning how to smile, and that's not e

November 2015

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