No more holding it in...
Oct. 10th, 2007 04:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miserywhipI don't think you ever understood-
It's no wonder I hate my name. My sister says it constantly, to get my attention. In that, repeatedly nowordsorpausesinbetween sort of- childlike way, that... irritates anyone that has to deal with it.
My mother uses it to punctuate every. sentence. when she's angry with me.
Andy... used to do the same thing.
I never want to hear it. I nevernevernever want to hear it. And I'm beginning to wonder if it's because I hate the name, and what it means about my physical sex- or because I've learned to associate it with negative things.
Like my sister being annoying, or someone being upset with me over something.
I suppose it makes sense that his name bothers me too, now.
I found a name I like, one I'd even consider changing my name to legally- it has both of my favorite names in it, and I didn't know it even was a name, until I saw it the other day. I think if I was ever to get married... I would change my first name to that, and my first name to my middle name. Or something.
Because I never want to lose my last name. I love it so much, and it's the last thing I have left of the only family I've ever loved unconditionally.
It's no wonder I hate my name. My sister says it constantly, to get my attention. In that, repeatedly nowordsorpausesinbetween sort of- childlike way, that... irritates anyone that has to deal with it.
My mother uses it to punctuate every. sentence. when she's angry with me.
Andy... used to do the same thing.
I never want to hear it. I nevernevernever want to hear it. And I'm beginning to wonder if it's because I hate the name, and what it means about my physical sex- or because I've learned to associate it with negative things.
Like my sister being annoying, or someone being upset with me over something.
I found a name I like, one I'd even consider changing my name to legally- it has both of my favorite names in it, and I didn't know it even was a name, until I saw it the other day. I think if I was ever to get married... I would change my first name to that, and my first name to my middle name. Or something.
Because I never want to lose my last name. I love it so much, and it's the last thing I have left of the only family I've ever loved unconditionally.
